By Dr Shrikant Kulange
Psychologist
These days, the problems that come up during marriage affect not only social and financial issues but also mental and emotional health in a big way. Both parents and the bride and groom-to-be feel stressed, guilty, frustrated, insecure, and sometimes even hopeless. It might seem straightforward from the outside, like “the match isn’t working out” or “the right time hasn’t come.” But on the inside, things are often very emotional.
The fight is different for parents. They want their child to have a safe and joyful future, which is normal. However, if proposals consistently fail or face rejection for various reasons, they may begin to question their own abilities. “Did we mess up somewhere?” “What will people think?” “Time is going by…” They can keep thinking about things like this all the time. This stress gets worse when you compare yourself to others. A neighbor’s kid got married, and family members kept asking questions at family gatherings. Every time this happens, their anxiety grows.
The inner battle is different for the bride or groom. On one side are their ideas about what makes them compatible, what kind of career they want, what kind of person they are, how emotionally connected they are, and what values they share. Family expectations, social norms, and the pressure of age and timing are on the other side. Some people may start to feel like they aren’t good enough over time. “Is there something wrong with me?” This question can slowly make you feel bad about yourself. Some people try too hard to change themselves to meet others’ expectations, while others slowly pull away from their emotions.
Experiencing rejection repeatedly during the marriage process can be akin to experiencing rejection at a job interview. The heart takes in a little hurt each time. At first, there is excitement. After that, caution takes over. Eventually, in some cases, people stop caring. Some people keep meeting potential partners just to “finish the process” because they are afraid to hope again.
Communication is essential at this stage, but it’s also where things often go wrong. Parents may express concern through their words, yet their child may experience a sense of pressure. The younger generation talks about independence, which parents might see as being stubborn. Most of the time, both sides mean well, but they don’t see things the same way or express themselves the same way, which makes them feel distant.
Some families view marriage not merely as the union of two individuals but as a matter of familial honour and social status. Because of this, social factors may be more important than emotional readiness. Young people may choose to keep their doubts to themselves rather than express their opinions. Unexpressed emotions can evolve into resentment or internal discord over time.
In these situations, it is essential to accept yourself. A person’s worth is independent of a marriage proposal’s outcome. Every person has a different way of living. Parents should have faith that their kids can make beneficial choices on their own. Kids can also try to see their parents’ worry as a sign of love instead of a problem.
Counselling can be a good choice if stress gets worse, confidence goes down, or fights at home happen a lot. Sometimes, talking to a neutral third party can clear up misunderstandings faster than arguing with each other over and over again at home. Being open about your feelings doesn’t mean you’re weak; it shows that you’re grown up.
Marriage is a big step in life, but it’s not the only one. A lot of the stress goes away when we stop seeing it as a competition or a matter of prestige and start seeing it as a normal part of life. It’s important to find the right partner, but it’s also important to be honest with yourself and your family.
Before a relationship can start, people need to connect on a mental level. To connect, patience, understanding, and communication are more important than haste.
@manaswi_psychology & wellness
